About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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