ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
