his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
