3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
