Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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