Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
