One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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