they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
