She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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