He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
