well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
