You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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