just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
