i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
