Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
