I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize