the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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