it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
