Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
