Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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