I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
