This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
