he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
