So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
