My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think my moral compass just broke
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
