I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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