White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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