It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
