Only a mothe r could love this liver
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
