U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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