my vag is so smooth its legendary
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
