I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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