that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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