You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
