i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
