Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
