Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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