Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
