Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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