i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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