My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
