Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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