Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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