How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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