We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
