Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize