just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Never joke about your clitoris.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
