I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
