It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
