I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize