Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
