Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
