a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
