we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
