you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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