There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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