im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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