Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
