i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
