I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
