I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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