:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize