You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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