its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
