I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
