I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
