my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
