if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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