How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
