i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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