FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
