did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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