I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
