I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
